


Redemption

by Aelle



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort/Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-02
Updated: 2013-09-02
Packaged: 2017-12-25 08:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/951149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aelle/pseuds/Aelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kink meme de-anon, for the prompt: </p>
<p>Rin and Makoto have both been pining after Haruka, while the object of their affections has been feigning obliviousness. One day, perhaps after Rin has once again hurt Haru's feelings, Makoto believes it's time to confront him. A fight ensues with the two bickering over which of them is better for Haru. While each are equally passionate about their points, Makoto ends up having more and better points as to why he deserves to date Haru, pointing out Rin's abandonment of them as well as his personality change as reasons why Rin could never truly keep Haru happy. Although it is not his intention, Makoto's accusations bring Rin to tears and the redhead runs off.</p>
<p>Cue Haru, stumbling upon Rin who is curled up and crying just as Haru saw him years ago. Haru is once again overcome by the impulse to comfort him and, this time, it works. Rin reveals what happened, crying and apologizing for the things he had never understood hurt Haru. Haru decides in his own indifferent way to make his feelings clear. It doesn't really matter who 'deserves' him the most, as Haru has always loved Rin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Redemption

The night air was cool on his skin, and in the distance he could hear the crowd enjoying the festivities; children laughing as they played games, couples out on their first dates and parents simply enjoying the atmosphere, but to him it was all background noise.

The night air was cool on his skin, but the tears on his face were hot, uncomfortably so. The sounds of the festival behind him were light and happy, but they were not enough to drown out the harsh accusations Makoto threw at him not an hour before.

And there was no amount of lying, not even to himself, to scrub away the truth behind his once-friend's words.

_"You love him? You have a horrible way of showing it! How many times have you abandoned him for your own sake? How many times have you hurt him just in the time since you came back? You told him you never wanted to swim with him again! He was heartbroken, Rin, and all you cared about was your stupid victory. You know as well as I do that Haru is better off with me."_

He knew.

He _knew_ , damnit, but up until tonight he'd been content with lying to himself. Makoto loved Haruka. He would give Haru everything he wanted, be good to him in a way that Rin couldn't, and Makoto would never say something in the heat of the moment that would hurt him. He would never put himself or his own goals thoughtlessly ahead of the person he loved the most.

Rin was selfish, and Haru deserved better than him.

A muffled sob forced it's way past his lips and he cupped a hand over his eyes, ashamed despite knowing that he was far away from anyone who might happen to glance over and see his moment of weakness.

He really hadn't changed, after all. He was still that kid who burst into tears over something as ridiculous as an elementary school graduation ceremony or a lost race; the only difference now was that he'd lost something that he knew he could never get back. That he'd lost something before he even truly had it.

Haru would never look at him the way he really wanted him to. Haru would not be proud of his accomplishments, not when Rin hadn't even made it known that he so desperately sought after his approval. He only saw the Rin that threw tantrums when he didn't get the recognition he wanted, or lashed out when he felt forgotten and ignored.

It was all pointless. Rin's feelings for Haru, his desire to fulfill his father's dream; he couldn't have one without destroying the other, and without thinking he found himself punching the hill on which he sat in frustration.

No, he thought desolately, it wasn't that he couldn't have one without the other. It was because at some point, he'd given up on both. Haru was beyond his reach, and he couldn't have his shot at the Olympics without moving on. It was nothing more than a vicious cycle with Haru at the epicenter, because no matter how hard he tried, he didn't _want_ to move on.

He wanted to apologize. He wanted to tell Haru how he was the only person Rin ever wanted to swim with, and that he didn't mean it. He wanted to tell Haru how he stole Rin's heart all those years ago in the relay, and could he please give it back so Rin could finally be released from his own self-inflicted torment?

"Rin?"

Rin froze instantly at the sound of an all-too-familiar voice behind him. _Speak of the damn devil._

Rin's only response was a horrified, watery inhale. Great. Could this night get any worse? Was the entire Olympic squad going to show up to point and laugh at his misery?

"Are you crying?"

"Shit, Haru," Rin was embarrassed at how weepy his voice sounded. "Do you have to sneak up on people like that? Leave me alone." _Just go away. Turn around and don't look back at me._

It was silent for a long moment, and just as Rin was beginning to think Haru had left, there was a warm presence at his back and arms wrapped firmly around his waist.

Rin tensed instinctively and felt an overpowering urge to push Haru away. This was his chance, his chance to be selfless, to ruin what was left of their relationship and send Haru into the arms of a man who was far more deserving than he. It would be all too easy, in this moment, to break everything.

Rin just wasn't sure he would be able to put himself back together afterwards.

Then Haru's breath wisped across his neck and everything, everything that he could never have flashed across his mind's eye, and Rin buckled under the weight of it with an embarrassingly loud sob. He wept openly while Haru's arms tightened around him, and Rin felt him draw up, using his body as a barrier between the crying mess in his arms and any curious onlookers that might be passing by. He pressed a hand over Rin's eyes; it was nothing more than a pretense of privacy, but Rin was grateful for it anyway.

"I can't stand it, you know."

The words were muffled into his hair, and Rin hiccuped--clenching his teeth in humiliation at the sound--before asking, "What?"

"You crying," Rin was tempted to snap at him for that, but then Haru continued, "The last time I saw you cry, I wanted to hug you like this, but you ran away."

Rin blinked, confused and mildly irritated. "When we raced and you kicked my ass? You were trying to hug me then? Damnit, Haru, you looked more like you were trying to push me into the pool."

"Huh?" Haru shifted behind him and moved his hand away from Rin's eyes now that the other seemed to have calmed down. Rin hated the sight of his own tears on Haru's palm. "I didn't really know what to do...and when you brushed me off I just thought that I never wanted to be the one to make you cry again, so I quit swimming."

"Liar," Rin scoffed. "Sometimes I wonder if you have gills. You couldn't stay out of the water for a day."

"I quit swimming _competitively,_ " Haruka clarified, and Rin tensed again, suddenly consumed with an irrational anger.

"Why the hell would you do that?! Didn't I show you in the relay that--" Oh. _Oh_. Rin deflated, the anger seeping out of him and being replaced by guilt. "No wonder you were in such bad shape when I came back," he mumbled.

There was another part of Rin, however, that was struck by a certain awe at the thought. Haru cared about hurting his feelings. Haru had given up something that Rin himself had given him, had punished himself for making Rin cry.

And Rin returned the favor by being a colossal jerk.

"I never cared for it unless you were there with me, anyway."

His head throbbed and he buried his face in his hands. "I'm--" _sorry,_ he wanted to say, but Haru was quick to cut him off.

"I know," Haru was quiet, and for a moment Rin thought he was done talking, but then he said, "The way things turned out...it was for the best, anyway."

There was a sharp pressure in Rin's chest at that. Haruka sounded like he was saying goodbye, leaving Rin behind for good, and sheer panic caused him to grab Haru's arm and blurt out the one thing he never wanted him to know, "I love you."

It came out sounding like the dying wails of an animal who'd lost all hope, less of a confession than it was a plea, and Rin felt his face burn at the humiliation of it all. This was wrong. It was all wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen; Rin would have wanted it to be romantic, with flowers or candy or a new swimsuit because this was Haru for fuck's sake and Rin didn't even know if he liked flowers but he did know that Haru didn't care for sweet things. This was just pathetic.

Haru's reply was surprisingly calm and even-tempered. "I know that, too," he seemed to think about something for a moment while Rin recovered from the shock, then continued, "What I mean is that if you hadn't done what you did, or said what you said, then I couldn't have given you what you wanted."

Rin was silent, too confused to answer.

"I'm saying that if you hadn't said you would never swim with me again, I wouldn't have been able to tell you that you're the only one I ever want to swim with."

Dumbfounded, Rin twisted in Haru's arms and gaped at him in astonishment. "That..." he said, "is the single worst confession I've ever heard in my life." _And you have no idea how badly I want to kiss you right now for it._

Haru beat him to it, however, and Rin didn't think salvation could ever taste as good as the light brushing of Haru's lips against his own. His heart did a shameful little fluttering thing in his chest when Haru pulled away.

"Was that better?"

"Slightly," Rin lied.

Haru sat back on his haunches and looked at Rin inquisitively. "Why were you out here crying, anyway?"

Rin flinched back as if he'd been struck when he remembered the events leading up to his moment of quiet self-loathing. "Just...something Makoto said," he tried to brush it off, but Haru's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "I overreacted."

"Makoto? Makoto said something that made you cry like this?" _Makoto, who wouldn't hurt a fly?_ Haru didn't say as much, but Rin could hear it in his voice anyway. It didn't sound disbelieving, but shocked. "Tell me."

Rin considered lying to him. He considered not answering him at all. In the end, though, Rin decided that Haru needed to know. "Makoto is in love with you."

"...I know that, too."

"Damnit, Haru, what the hell _don't_ you know?" Rin flushed with agitation. "If you knew all of this beforehand, why didn't you do something?"

"What would you have done?"

"I..." Rin shut his mouth. "Point taken," _Why in hell would you pick me, you idiot?_ Rin wanted to ask, but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth--not this time.

"What did Makoto say to you?"

Rin sighed and turned away, resigned to his fate. "He was right anyway," he murmured regretfully. "He's better for you than I am."

"And that's up to the two of you to decide?" Rin didn't miss the way Haru's body tensed ever-so-slightly in anger. "Is that what the two of you think this is? Convenience? Maybe you're right, maybe Makoto makes more logical sense than you do, but that doesn't change the fact that the person I love is _you._ "

Rin thought he might cry again, this time in crushing relief, but he reigned his emotions in before he could further ruin his reputation. Instead he drew his legs up to his chest and grasped Haru's hand, the one that had shielded his eyes while he wept, and kissed it lovingly.

It tasted of his tears, of shame and guilt and sorrow, but somewhere underneath the saltwater was Haru and redemption.

It wasn't perfect or romantic, but it was far more than Rin could have ever asked for, and he wouldn't trade it for a thousand gold medals.


End file.
